Tremblant Lifestyle

Are you an adrenaline junkie? Would you like to go somewhere absolutely terrible? Does vacationing in squalor sound appealing to you? Have a death wish? Well if you’re any of these, then the following list may sound appealing to you. To the rest of us, DO NOT go to these places. In no particular order:

1. Sudan

The Sudan is engaged in (depending on your definition of genocide), Genocide! There is a mass killing currently going on. In the west we are defining it as simply Arabs killing Africans. Not quite. There are a lot of factors going on here. It is a conflict between farmers and herders, Chad baked rebels and Sudanese government-backed militias. Oil, China, Islam, Christianity, lack of water and land, territorial claims and yes, race. The government in Khartoum has claimed that western interference will only make things worse. The south of the country is a war zone. The north is in an economic depression. Khartoum is ranked as one of the worst, poorest and dilapidated places on the planet. Sounds like fun right? Im sure their vacation rentals have really cheap prices for the toblerone bar in the mini fridge.

2. Detroit, Michigan

Love urban decay? Then go to Detroit for a few weeks. In the United States, Detroit is number one in murders (49 murders in 2006), top five in rape (behind St Louis, Oakland, Cincinatti, Kansas City Missouri). Detroit has been crumbling since the 1970s. The US auto industry has been gradually declining since then and the city as a whole has basically become a shell of its former self. No longer being a center of industry, Detroit has become the grand capital of America’s rust belt. Once Detroit was a symbol of American industrial dominance. America had cheap land and cheap cars. the basis of the American dream. The dream seems to be going out of business. New York City has ten times the population and only had one-seventh the number of murders. Gotta love what happens when people are put second behind the all mighty dollar. Plus it is home to the Red Wings.

3. Baghdad, Iraq

If you really need an explanation why you do not want to go here, you have problems. Once upon a time, Baghdad was a great center of learning and knowledge. Baghdad was where Muslim scholars from around the Arab world came together and re-adapted the philosophies of Plato and Aristotle, developed Mathematical theories, geometry, engineering and architecture. Fast forward a few hundred years. Being sacked by Mongol hordes, ruined by an oppressive regime, bombed, bombed again and again. Then ethnically divided, bombed. More bombing and you’re left with a situation where if a car bomb kills fifty people, it is considered an average day. Baghdad is fun for the whole family, if your family is insane. According to the book Generation Kill, that the best place for a good time now in Baghdad is the Palestine Hotel, where they have amazing room service.

4. Myanmar/Burma

Hijinks ensued when in 1962 General Ne Win led a military coup in Burma and founded the state of Myanmar. Now we have one heck of a military junta in charge. Any time the central regime gets a whiff of pro-democratic sentiment they shut the country down. Essentially the country has been on lock down since 1989. That, coupled with the fun little ethnic cleansing that occurred, and the massive number of mines throughout the place, makes it a bag of fun to visit. If you want to get shot in the back of the head. Plus the fact that it has recently suffered a massive typhoon and its most likely swarmed with every conceivable disease since the dark ages. Think Cambodia from about twenty-nine years ago. At one time, Burma was a beautiful country, still is in many ways, just a place you shouldn’t visit. Typhoons, Junta, cheap holiday chalets, disease, human rights abuses, etc.

5. Pyongyang, North Korea

The capital of quite possibly the most paranoid government in the world, Pyongyang is the place to be. What a town. Great leader Kim Jong-Il who is somewhere between absolute monarch and totalitarian sociopath has steered this country since 1994 when his father succumbed to cancer. Officially his father is not dead but was whisked up into the sky to rule from above, like Jesus (sort of, only crazy). His body is on display though for all to come and visit. You (specifically you) are not allowed to visit the body. Totalitarianism is plenty of fun if you hate thinking for yourself. North Korea is a great place to diet since they are still in the midst of a decade long famine. Hurray North Korea - Long Live Great Leader.

6. Kandahar, Afghanistan

It was reported recently that hundreds of Taliban fighters are poised to attack this region. Since Kandahar is one of the main border areas with Pakistan it is host to some of the more volatile fun that the war on terror has provided. Kandahar features three mosques, two mausoleums, a picnic area and no new infrastructure. Clean water is for the weak, anyway. Road side bombs, snipers, mass prison breaks of islamo-fascist extremists. It is kind of like Sarajevo in the early nineties only without U2 and way more violent.

Afghanistan was the bridge between the Arab and Persian world to Asia and the orient for several centuries. It was a center of learning and is in many ways still a spiritual center of the region. Now it sits in smoldering ruins after close to a three decades of war, famine, religious zealotry and suffering.

7. Haiti

Two words: food shortage. Two more: hunger riots. A few more: Haiti has one of the highest poverty rates in the western world, a massive aids epidemic, crime, political instability and a history of dictatorships. Papa Doc (the former president) had a voodoo death squad. That’s right, Voodoo Freakin’ Death Squads. This coupled with being in the middle of the Caribbean makes it a prime target for hurricanes.

I think it is important to note that all these places (with the exception of North Korea)  has been negatively affected by U.S. policy. Haiti has seen a number of U.S. military interventions, Afghanistan is a result of the US anti-communist policy, Detroit is what happens when NAFTA backfires and Baghdad, well, that one is pretty obvious. It is also interesting that many of these places were once either very important or very nice. Sad that they have become so dilapidated.

Runners up:
Albania, Somalia, Iran, Greenland (cause it is boring), Dayton Ohio (similar to Greenland).

Planning your next vacation? Fantasizing about going toe-to-toe with a wild animal other than Mike Tyson? Why not do both? Forget the boring all-inclusive beach resorts and inject your next getaway with some good ‘ole fight or flight adrenaline. Here are some of the world’s most beautiful destinations, as well as the homes for some of the planet’s deadliest animals. They’ll do more than just bite your ear off.

Surfing Hawaii

Aloha! Nothing beats catching the perfect wave. For a shark however nothing beats catching a fresh seal for lunch, which is exactly what you look like when paddling out on your board. Shark attacks are responsible for over 100 fatalities a year.

Scuba-diving in Papua New Guinea

Were you trembling with fear when Marlin and Dory were surrounded by jellyfish in Finding Nemo? I hope not ’cause that’s pretty lame. Nonetheless, jellyfish are extremely dangerous and kill as many people as sharks do in a year.

And if the jellyfish don’t kill ya, the humiliation of someone peeing on you to relieve the sting from their tentacles will.

African safari, visiting the Victoria Falls

They’re not called “hungry hungry hippos” for nothing. Despite their sleepy, sluggish appearance, hippos are renown for attacking boats, chomping through canoes, and killing over 150 people per year.

India, Taj Mahal

Okay so maybe you won’t find any in the Taj Mahal itself, but stray too far in any direction and you’re sure to bump into an elephant. With adults weighing up to 6 tons (approximately the same weight as a Smart Car dealership), elephants are the largest mammals on land. These unpredictable giants cause up to 500 fatalities per year, a tiny number when you consider how many pianos exist in the world.

Cambodia, Angkor Wat

Make sure to get your shots when visiting this natural Wonder of the World. While a mosquito bite won’t kill you directly, diseases like malaria, yellow fever, dengue fever, and the West Nile virus will. 3 million lives are taken each year by mosquitos, making these annoying little blood-suckers the world’s number one killer of humans, proving once again that size doesn’t always matter.

Happy trails! Or just come to Tremblant where it’s safe heh.